The following can only be described as completely brilliant.  Imagine the God of War franchise done as one of those ironic, uncomfortable, clearly cliche’ indie flicks. You know, the ones where there people where bad clothes (because doesn’t everyone wear track suits and pants that are too short?) and the music is of a particularly whiny-yet-catchy class that you don’t really want to like but just can’t help tapping your foot to a bit.

Well here it is. Gamervision brings us this film in all of its sappy glory and the results are fantastic. They capture the feel perfectly and bring us a trailer for a film I actually really want to see. You know…in an ironic sort of way.

-Joseph-

If you’ve walked into a Gamestop recently you might have seen the above.  Its what I was greeted with about a week ago and it currently occupies the first 2 shelves of the New Releases section.

Prepare for a lot more of this.  Particularly disheartening is that the very first game on those shelves is Kinectimals.

At the second Gamestop in downtown Seattle the display had a little pore pizaz!

And then, my friends and parters in grime, I found something quite special while digging through the dead and sometimes forgotten used PS2 games bin. Something that made me put out a hearty laugh which echoed off the walls of the store causing some to look nervously in my direction.

What an incestuous industry we follow.

-Joseph-

Thanks to our listener, Lyle, for sending this video! It is apparently the 1st of a series of videos that will focus on each member of the broadcast.

If this video has taught me anything, it is that Brad is rather odd… but I love it. Enjoy!

-Nick

So Brad showed me this clip the other day. He claimed that Tali was ADORABLE. That she was so cute…

I dunno know. The clip has it’s charm. Her character is interesting and I understand her adorable points. But I took it upon myself to do something a little more relevant. Maybe even risque. So I did some photography of my own yesterday morning, let me know what you think.

Take care,
David

I’m sure you are all quite finished dabbing the tears from your eyes, have solved the mystery of the Origami Killer, and have sore thumbs from relentlessly pressing x to call for Jason by now.  Sony Entertainment has bamboozled you in its little web of lies and DECEIT into making you think that Heavy Rain is the most progressive thing to hit gaming since Rob the Robot.  But, my dear friends, there is a dark cloud hanging over these times.  For there is a little secret, one much more interesting than anything involving dead children.

There is another game, one from way back in 1991, that to this day is still more progressive than Heavy Rain could ever even dream to be.  That game is Out of this World and I’m going to prove it to you. Hit the jump to read my reasons why Out of this World is still more progressive than Heavy Rain 18 years later.

Male Protagonist with Red Hair

Look at that picture and stand in awe at the fiery mane of heavy red locks which our protagonist sports.  Those shivers going down your back are for a few reasons. First of all it is very rare for a game developer to have the foresight and the vision to create a main character with red molten locks of love like that…and then have him be a male.  Bloodrayne and Nariko are females so their breasts give them a free pass.  Well what about Dwarves!? I can hear you asking.  Well everyone knows that Dwarves are not really people, should never be acknowledged and should be burned in a great pyre in the middle of Central Park. This is common knowledge.

Just look at him. Look at the majesty of that burning filament. It’s almost like you are in a game where you are controlling Conan O’Brian himself. And as we all know, a game where you control Conan O’Brian would be the most beautiful game ever made. So this is the closest any of us is ever going to get.

A male protagonist with red hair is way more original than any of the cookie cutter characters that Heavy Rain has to offer, and boy is there sure a boatload of them.  A scraggly looking dad in search for his son? Turn on the Lifetime Channel. A fat swarthy detective? Just only every detective movie ever made. An FBI agent with a drug problem? Please. A Ukrainian Prostitute? I can’t go to the corner store without getting my dick stuck in one.

No. All that effort into making cookie cutter, and boring, characters and all they had to do was use a little #FF0000.

***

Not one ounce of dialogue is needed to tell a compelling story.

Unfortunately Quantric Dream has never heard of subtly.  A “less is more” idea in which stories and ideas, even complex ones, can be conveyed with the smallest amount of sensory input.  Out of this World, however, knows this idea very well and tells a compelling, action packed, story without one line of dialogue.  Perhaps our Red Haired Hero is a mute and that is why the only job he can keep is running tests on a Haldron Collider at night.  But that is besides the point. While Heavy Rain bombards us with line after line of poorly written and poorly acted dialogue, Out of this World leaves it up to the player to deduce the story through the visuals and nothing more.  I can honestly say that the first instance Ethan Marsh spoke I wished with all my being that he would never speak again.

We all know how that turned out.

***

We don’t need no stinkin’ Motion Capture

You may look at Heavy Rain and revel in how smooth everything is and how natural everyone moves.  Well I’m sorry to break your hearts my little Dolphin Nuggets but it’s all based on LIES.  Quantic Dream is actually outfitted with an entire Motion Capture studio and has been moonlighting as a Motion Capture services company for the past ten years. That’s right my friends. Quantic Dream has been quite the whore trolloping its services up and down Mass Media Ave. So that when you stick your disk in, and you feel the warm slime within, that’s the residue of a hundred other companies that have used her services right before you.

Out of this World, on the other hand is a pure virgin in white, laying in an open field in the sun, just waiting to give herself to you and to you only.  Each frame of animation in that game was lovingly hand crafted, each nuance just there waiting for your first touch…your first caress.

Out of this World is not only more progressive, it also doesn’t smell like 50 bikers and dried Pabst Blue Ribbon.

***

Press X to Jason < Press X to SHOOT FUCKING LASERS!

This is not so much where Out of this World is more progressive as much as it’s just blatantly better.  In Heavy Rain you get the once in a lifetime chance to play the father of a bratty kid, running through the mall looking for him after we walks away from you. And this is AFTER you spent some of your hard earned money buying him a goddamn balloon.  Ever go into the mall and see a haggard, worn-down, looking parent trying to control their screaming brat of a child?  Can you feel the misery wafting off of their face? Well in Heavy Rain you can BE that parent!! JOY! Yes. Only on the PS3 can you experiencing the soul crushing realities of parenthood and responsibility!

So put down that controller and pick up Out of this World to shoot some fucking LASERS! And these aren’t just any lasers mind you. I’m sure if David Cage had anything to do with it they would be lasers that shoot EMOTION RAYS at their targets to make them break down in the middle of the street in the rain. No, my friends these are lasers coming from brilliance. Not only do these lasers shoot…but they also shoot through walls, and not only do they shoot through walls…they actually MAKE walls as well!  Can you even get your putrid minds around that my little cock-monkeys from hell?  These lasers have 2 power-up abilities and a normal firing mode. One power up ability shoots through walls, doors and obstacles and the other power up ability creates a laser wall to use as a shield. My God just thinking about it I think I just shat myself…or at the very least have a minor erection.  Perhaps both.

***

2 Brilliant People  = 75+ normal people

This is the list of people responsible for bringing you Heavy Rain.

And this is the list of people who brought you Out of this World.

Developed and Designed by - Eric Chahi

Music by - Jean-Francois Freitas

Nothing more needs to be said here.

***

I would say that I HOPE I convinced you but I know in my heart of hearts that one cannot reasonably deny the evidence I have brought to the table here.  I now send you all out into the world as more informed people, better people, prettier people.  You have drunk from my font…now you may go and help others.

-Joseph-

Cause Chinese singers sing like this.

Oh yeah… And this guy

Did you know William Hung has his own Christmas Album….

It’s called Hung for the Holidays. Yikes.

David

Here is it.
David

Here is the Japanese cover for Resonance of Fate (End of Eternity in Japan). We get a low angle shot of the three playable character looking up at a tower of amazing scale. It’s beautiful, yet mysterious and haunting. I like it.

Now let’s look closely at the North American cover art. Now this shit is rad. It appears the church shoot-out of all church shoot-outs is exploding right out of the box. I can’t imagine how many badguys they must be fighting in this church, but with all the guns and gun posing going on here, my guess is it must at least be a dozen. Wait, actually I think I can figure this out. The dude in the back is clearly focused on taking out a propane tank sitting in the corner, as only this could be possible given the intensity of his gaze and the ferocity of his grip — the explosion should take out at least four dudes. Now, you might think the girl in the front is only killing the badguy sneaking in via a rope hanging from the ceiling (while red jacket kid confirms the kill), but really this photo was taken just seconds after she released a grenade toss aimed at three baddies to her left. Red jacket kid of course finishes everything off as he shoots the grenade tossed by girl in mid air. Eight dudes dead in seconds — amazing.

So there you have it. You may have initially thought this cover was just an uninspired mess of anime characters, guns, and gun dancing; but really it’s Action Movie: The Cover.

You win this time Sega of America.

Brad

Why isn’t there a compass on Bad Company 2′s minimap? None of that fancy, point you in the right direction, three-dimensional arrow that grows in size as you approach your objective and with a different color gradient depending on your relative altitude. I just want a plain little arrow telling me where North is.

All right, I know there’s plenty of indicators onscreen telling me what’s what and where what is. However, I still want a damn compass!

Play like a man, you say? On hardcore mode where the mini map is completely gone? Man, F to the U. Many times I’ve been wanting to warn my squad-mates of an incoming mass of pain-bringing mini soldiers. WATCH OUT! I go. THERE’S DUDES COMING FROM THE….THE….BY THE GREEN HOUSE! That moment of hesitation in which my teammates debated where they should turn to was all the enemy needed to mush ‘em up.

It’s not that big a deal, though. Seriously. After a while you kind of figure out several landmarks for each map that make communication easier. But for those who aren’t that observant, or for those just starting the game, a compass would help tons.

Of course, there would still be some problems. For some people, navigating the map (compass provided) would still prove to be quite the daunting task.

Go North! North, I say!

Your North or my Nor..(gets run over by tank).

-Carlos

I stumbled into quite the ridiculous thread over on neoGAF, and thought I’d share some of the insane highlights. Here are clips of some of the worst games I’ve ever laid my eyes on. Feel free to leave links to your own clips in the comments.

Brad

I was listening to the Drunk Tank Podcast where they were talking about the iPad. Then I found this clip while searching for more information.

Peace,
David

A somewhat video game related clip with Bobby Lee from MadTV.

Wait, Should I be proud of being asian?
David

I’m finally back and settled in Japan after a quick trip to Taiwan. Here are a few videos from before and during the trip.

The day before the flight, just hanging out, doing typical Japan Stuff.
Snacks, Games, & Elixir.

Hands Down, Best Moment in Taiwan

More to come,
David

Greetings and solicitations!  Its that one special day when those of you in a relationship are guaranteed a night of hot, deep, and heavy rogering. While the rest of us are forced to find our own ways to drown out the deafening screams of loneliness.  And though I may have found some solace in the arms and, boot-like, lips of my bovine friend, it is surely not enough.  Tonight will be an evening of Martini’s and pure zombie killing goodness with some Left 4 Dead 2.

How are the rest of you spending your night?

-Joseph-

Viewer Discretion Is Advised

McDonalds In Japan

Later,
David

Let’s Begin with a nice relaxing video

Ok, now onto the hardcore stuff

I was lucky because the number of fish was meant for 8 people…

Hope that got all you fish bastards off,
David

Video of my Single Room

Wasabi Kit Kat

David

While hanging out with some friends this week, I had a chance to screw around with “Rag Doll Kung-Fu: Fists of Plastic“, a PSN title that was created by members of Qi Studios (a team made up of members of Lionhead Studios).  The game is fun and has its charm but the game has some disturbing physics….

If this kind of stuff floats your boat, give it a shot.  I really wish I had found some time to actually play this game.  O well, it looks like the video above will be my only lasting memory of this game.  Do me a favor though, if you do play it, don’t sink to my level.

-Nick

Here is a random screenshot from Apollo Justice. Yep, it’s just good clean fun.

2 of 31,
David

Seriously…. I could see why you would think that but it’s not. I use a Mac.

-Nick

If you liked Fifth Element, probably one of the best Cosplays, ever.

David

So I apologize about the delay in announcing a winner for the dance with your games contest. A combination of other priorities and laziness has caused me to have problems picking a winner. I promise that on this weeks show, we will announce the winner(s) and I’ll definitely make it worth it. Until then here’s a Thai commercial for a online dance game.

David

-Joseph-

I’ve never watched Twilight. I semi-understand the draw to such a series, but I don’t think I would be interested. If you’re not sure of why the picture is funny, The series is about a guy who is in love with a girl but he’s a vampire. So he wants to eat her flesh and drink her blood and there’s a lot of drama about him resisting the urge as well as not letting her friends eat her either. Yeah, pretty uh, what’s the word. Fictional?

For even more explanation, the man in the background is Blade, the Vampire Hunter, as played by Westley Snipes in the movie trilogy. The first movie was release back in the mid to late 90s so maybe you kids wouldn’t get the reference. But there you go, a full explanation. Of also the main vampire dude is played by the guy who played Cedric Diggory from the Harry Potter movie. I liked him in Harry Potter, I think he’s kinda stinky for Twilight.

Yep, that’s it.
David

Remember those Uncharted shirts with that tag line on the back we saw at PAX?
Finally, our questions answered. Thanks Dae for sending this in.

David

Thanks to all you who tuned in to watch me play through the Saw game last week on the feed. The game had a bunch of problems but lets be honest, it could have been worse. For those of you who didnt get to see the broadcast and are wondering how it was, here is a video montage sent to me by a listener. I’m pretty sure this sums up everything you need to know about the game…

P.S.- Thank you Jesse for sending me the video but you didn’t tell me you name in Chat so send me another email so I can give your proper credit.

-Nick

Totally messed up. A Japanese show called Panic Face King. This guy is oblivious that it is a hidden camera show. He thinks he’s there for an interview when a sniper attacks. You’ll see why it’s called Panic Face King.

David

So you’ve probably seen one of these before. One of those homemade dancing videos. I still found this one hilarious because of Travis’ R-Face and also the raptor dancing with Nick. Thanks whoever made this, I found it on Facebook while searching around.

David

I had a friend send me this link. Pretty funny. Thanks Dwight.

David

In response to Brad’s post a few days ago.

I showed this to Travis last night as he was broadcasting. He said live on the feed that he would start a contest for dancing and showing off your video game collection. He said last night that he would post his response today while his girlfriend was at work. Let’s see if he really follows through.

Also, any takers? I have TGS Prize packs that I still haven’t sent out. Those would be the prize.

David